auroraskye

If you're gonna be there anyway in that moment, regardless of the supposed reason, you might as well ""enjoy"" what you can. (Or: "enjoy" what you don't enjoy.) Even on purpose. Not forcing yourself to think of the next step or what you "should" be doing. You don't even have to bother framing the way you feel in terms of mental constructs and words and what not. Just revel in that feeling, haha. (Oh: it looks like this answer was given already.)

100% agree that this has generally been the case for me too. People sometimes wonder why I have so little interest in discussing spirituality (especially IRL), when it brings me so little gratification to do so when it's been a HUGE part of my life. Though often, especially at the beginning, I did not choose it. For #3, I basically see it all as "spiritual politics". Terms like "God" and "enlightenment" (sub with "being awake" or "God Realization", etc.) are mainly reduced to political terms, like deciding who gets to decide what one term means and how other people are allowed to legibly use it. I sub to this perspective: if you claim to be "God" (and other people agree with you or look to you as an authority), practically speaking, you're just the most powerful "person" on a social hierarchy. Likewise, this position tends to come with a lot of baggage and roles adjacent to it: critics and debunkers, followers, black sheep, etc.... and it seems like there are always people available and willing to step into these roles, yea? On this level, I see it as a sort of social game... and personally, not a very fun or satisfying one to partake in. On another level, I think it's important for people to learn how to speak to each other better, by learning to listen and tune into each other better. This must be done somewhere... and sometimes (well, often), ideal venues for doing this simply do not exist, because realistically that requires exceptional leadership. Personally: I try not to critique people too hard in a way that I suspect is personally beyond their means, let alone beyond my means. It just goes to say: it's real easy being a critic, and much harder to become one's own ideal manifestation of one's values. (But not that criticism shouldn't be "allowed", I just considered it questionable, impractical, and self-indulgent in many cases, often not done in good spirit, and is likely often a distraction to boot.) And personally, I do care about these concepts on a social level, but that's basically it. For myself: I don't wanna play. Certainly not for fun and not to pass time, anyway. "Politics" makes no difference in my own personal practice. And anyway, learning and observing is very different than perpetually opening your mouth on impulse, damn the consequences to yourself or to the group... I've found #4 to be true as well, but at times I've also found it to be a useful practice to be expressing myself in a public space. I've had a lot of practice keeping things almost entirely to myself, so going in the opposite direction was helpful for me. (At least for a time.) Not writing about things and processing at a mental level in a rote way can be time and energy consuming, and depending on your objectives, also profoundly unproductive. It depends what you want and need out of it, I think.

Starting over.